Forgiveness, Part 3
Exodus 1:8-2:10 (NIV)
Then a new king, to whom Joseph meant nothing, came to power in Egypt. “Look,” he said to his people, “the Israelites have become far too numerous for us. Come, we must deal shrewdly with them or they will become even more numerous and, if war breaks out, will join our enemies, fight against us and leave the country.” So they put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor, and they built Pithom and Rameses as store cities for Pharaoh. But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread; so the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites and worked them ruthlessly. They made their lives bitter with harsh labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their harsh labor the Egyptians worked them ruthlessly. The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, “When you are helping the Hebrew women during childbirth on the delivery stool, if you see that the baby is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.” The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live. Then the king of Egypt summoned the midwives and asked them, “Why have you done this? Why have you let the boys live?” The midwives answered Pharaoh, “Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive.” So God was kind to the midwives and the people increased and became even more numerous. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own. Then Pharaoh gave this order to all his people: “Every Hebrew boy that is born you must throw into the Nile, but let every girl live.”
Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him. Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the riverbank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her female slave to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. “This is one of the Hebrew babies,” she said. Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?” “Yes, go,” she answered. So the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him. When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying, “I drew him out of the water.”
Matthew 18:23-35 (NIV)
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Friends, this is the third and final part of this sermon series on forgiveness.
The last two weeks we've focused a lot on what forgiveness is not--that is, we've talked about the false definitions of forgiveness, our misunderstandings of what forgiveness really is that keep us from being able to appreciate forgiveness, and extend it to others.
These are the false definitions we've already talked about:
1) Forgiveness is the same thing as excusing or condoning.
2) Letting go of your resentment is the same thing as forgetting all about what the other person did--"forgive and forget".
There's one last false definition of forgiveness that I want to talk to you all about today: when we think forgiveness means reconciliation. And, finally, I think it's time we explore what forgiveness is, and, most importantly, what it means for us as people of faith when we say that God forgives us.
So, first our false definition of forgiveness--that forgiving someone is the same thing as reconciling with them.
We might have a harder time letting go of this false definition than any of the others. Partly because we want our stories to have a happy ending. We want to think that nothing but a grudge is standing in the way of saving our relationships. And we're people of God--we want to be kind and tender-hearted, and we want there to be a happy resolution to any disagreement we may have with another person. Reconciling, no matter what happened really sounds like the right thing to do. It sounds like the Christian thing to do.
We also might question, if we can't save our relationship, then what do we even get out of forgiveness? What's the point?
If you've ever been tempted to think you can't forgive another person without reconciling with them, you're in good company. The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote:
"We can never say, 'I will forgive you, but I won't have anything further to do with you.' Forgiveness means reconciliation, a coming together again. Without this, no man can love his enemies. The degree to which we are able to forgive determines the degree to which we are able to love our enemies." [Martin Luther King, Jr., "Loving Your Enemies" in Strength to Love (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1981), 51.]
I can't say I completely disagree with Dr. King on this one, especially when we consider why he said these words. Dr. King wanted to mend a rift between races as old as time. He wanted radical forgiveness to put a salve on very, very deep wounds, and he wanted to create healing. And only healing the wounds of his African American brothers and sisters would not have been enough--his work would not be done until he could start briding the chasm between white Americans and people of color. That's the legacy he's left for us.
Dr. King was completely right to say that we are called to reconcile with one another. We are called to extend the olive branch and heal the places where our society is deeply broken. As we tune in to the news this week, and read about the chaos that has unfolded in Ferguson, Missouri, we are reminded more than ever that we as a people will never be whole until we start to fix our relationships with people that we hastily write off as "not our kind". This is part of loving our enemies.
This might unfold from forgiveness. And sometimes someone who hurt you can have a happy, satisfying ending. Sometimes, forgiveness is all you need to save an ailing relationship. Sometimes, you can forgive and be friends again.
But not always. Sometimes forgiveness can't lead to reconciliation. Sometimes you shouldn't, or can't go on and be someone's friend, even if you do forgive them.
Sometimes, we need to forgive someone that we can't reconcile with. It's my opinion that every United States citizen, in one way or another, needs to forgive Osama Bin Laden. Even if you didn't know anyone who was hurt or killed in the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01, even if you don't know anyone who lived in the area of those attacks, even if you were safe and cozy at home when the planes were hijacked and didn't even know what happened until much later--we all have to forgive his attack on our country. And we have to keep forgiving.
Sometimes, you have to forgive someone you would never have a relationship with. And sometimes, you have to forgive someone you'll never see again. Forgiveness can't always lead to reconciliation.
In an article for the periodical, Psychology Today, Dr. Ryan Howes poses this hypothetical:
"Let's say a good friend does something horrible. She kicks your dog or kisses your date or destroys your reputation. Then she moves out of the country or ceases all contact. Or dies...You can still forgive. Reconciliation is a separate issue...Forgiveness is solo, reconciliation is a joint venture." (You can read the rest of this article here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/201303/forgiveness-vs-reconciliation)
You don't have to wait for the other person to be ready to reconcile in order for you to forgive. And sometimes, especially if that other person is not sorry for what they did, and especially if that other person would hurt you again if they had the chance, for the sake of your own well-being, you can't reconcile.
But none of that stops you from being able to forgive.
In the first part of this sermon series, we talked about what forgiveness actually does mean: to let go of your resentment toward another person, and to let go of the idea that they owe you something.
But if forgiveness doesn't excuse anyone, doesn't let us forget what happened, and might not save our relationships, then what does it do? Why should we bother? Why should we forgive?
There's a lot that forgiveness can't do. But what it can do within each of us is too great to ignore.
The Gospel passage I chose to read today will come up in the lectionary in September, but I chose to use it today because as people of faith, this isn't just a conversation about why we should forgive, or how forgiveness can help us. This is a conversation about why God commands us to forgive.
Jesus really gets our attention in this Gospel passage. It's jarring, and scary, and these words almost sound a little bizarre coming from our loving savior, who we've known as the Prince of Peace. This is one of those passages that we pastors need to handle with care from the pulpit, because if we're not careful, we can make it sound like it's out of fear of God's punishment, or fear of God's anger, that we choose to forgive.
That's not it. It's rather out of fear of God--fear in the sense that we don't typically use the word in, fear in the sense of awe. We forgive as God forgave us. And we can live in awe of what God's forgiveness has done for us. But if we don't forgive others, it does us enough harm to wipe out entirely what God does for us.
Forgiveness is a gift. It's freedom. Freedom from the burden of resentment. Freedom from the burden of holding on to our hurt. Freedom from being a victim. When you let go of what someone did to hurt you, they can't hurt you anymore. When you let someone out of their debt to you, you're both free. Forgiveness is a long, step-by-step process, but it cleanses you of your hurt, and sets you free. When you let go of that moment of hurt, forgiveness sets you free to move on and have a future.
And when you extend it to others, you give them that freedom, too. Jesus uses a parable this morning to tell us about the metaphorical debtors prison that God has set us free from by giving all of us a clean slate--we don't have to be held back by the shame or guilt over the mistakes we've made. We're free to move on. But we take that freedom away from ourselves if we're going to hold on to our scorecards of what other people have done to us. Resentment is a prison. Nobody wants to live that way.
Jesus said, "Come, you who are weary and heavy laden. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Forgiveness is the easy yoke that makes us the beloved of God. Forgiveness gives us a second chance to show the light of Christ to the world. Forgiveness washes us clean, and lets us serve with pure hearts. And with a clean slate, and a pure heart, forgiveness frees us to see a tomorrow with less pain than today.
Amen.
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